The more I stare at this word 'perfect' the more I despise it.
I suffered with body dysmorphia (an anxiety disorder related to body image) during my teens and early 20's. It started with having severe acne which took my confidence and whole personality away. Constantly worrying that people were judging me and looking at my spotty face. I became so obsessed with how I looked, looking in the mirror at any given chance and picking away at my skin for hours, plucking my eyebrows until there was nothing left, and body shaming myself, telling myself that I was ugly. I so desperately wanted to have a 'perfect' body figure and flawless porcelain skin.
I would see all these models on Instagram & pictures on social media of beautiful people, that I would compare myself too, getting myself in to a really low state of mind. My skin would be the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing before bed. It consumed all of my thoughts, stopped me from socialising, kicking my confidence to the kerb and making me super paranoid.
Over time this evolved into me hating my body and being overly conscious of my weight and believing I was bigger than I was. Some days I would look in the mirror and see myself being hugely overweight and other days I would look like a skeleton. It differed every day and I couldn't see a true reflection of myself. My eating habits changed drastically, I would starve myself to get skinny then binge eat to put it back on. I would be having a constant battle in my head about how my weight fluctuated, looking back it never did, it was all in my head, but when I would look in the mirror, I would see a complete stranger looking back. The hardest thing was having friends and family telling me 'you're so skinny' 'I'd love to be as thin as you' because I genuinely didn't see what they did and I took offence to it.
Being in the Priory Hospital and attending group therapies, I learnt how to combat being self conscious and low self-esteem. I was told if I can name 3 things I hate about myself then I should be able to name 3 things I love about myself too. Body dysmorphia disorder causes real emotional distress and can effect your day to day life. It is something that shouldn't be shamed. It is so easy to compare yourself to everyone on the internet, to see people living their 'perfect' lives blasted over social media and all these beautiful people with thousands of likes. But don't be fooled, people won't post the bad and the ugly. Also people use photoshop!!
The point is, if you do not like the way you look, you are not alone. Im sure we could all change a few things about ourselves if we could. We always want what we don't have. But what we do have is our personalities, make sure you are being the truest version of yourself, be kind, be brave and be positive. The world can be very cruel and nasty, making you feel insecure and alone. So surround yourself with good honest people, don't settle for second best. You have this precious life once, so stop worrying about what you don't have and focus on what you do have. Nobody is perfect, but your imperfections make you, you.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so they say...... don’t let society determine what is beautiful to you or to any one else.
Don't let anyone put you down or make you feel unloved, because we are are all unique in our own individual ways.